December Theme: The End

December's theme is The End. December will be our twelfth and last community poem of the year. Exploring the idea of the "The End" means exploring time. The end of the year. The end of our happiness. The end of our grief. The end of our future. I just think there are so many literal and figurative explorations with the end, and it also might be a good way to end the year.

DECEMBER 5: Community Poem
For this month's community poem, each contributor is asked to explore "The End". I am asking each contributor to submit no more than two lines about the phrase, "The End", or what immediately comes to mind when you hear "The End". I will compile it into a poem on Sunday.

Community Poem is going to be published on December 5th, so please submit by December 4th.


DECEMBER 12: Photo Sunday

Taking the theme further for Photo Sunday, please take a photograph either representative or literal about shadows in your life. All photos must be in by December 11.

DECEMBER 19: Mid-Month Challenge

Mid-month challenge is explore this theme in art, music, poetry or craft. All work must be in by December 18th.

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I have come to a really hard decision about this space into the next year. It has been an amazing year and I am grateful to everyone who submitted and shared work and writing here. I am in awe of your creativity and expression.


I have decided to take the every day element out of this space. So, there will not be the urgency of having to drum up work every day. If you have work to share, I would love to post it and share it with others. I hope to continue posting work between Monday through Thursday. I'd love for it to be four days a week, but I am not going to solicit in the same way that I did, so basically, it will be like a regular blog in that when I have work, or am moved to post, I will post. I'd love to see what happens with this space. So, please do continue to email art and poetry to me at stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com. I still want to continue the community aspects of this space. But in terms of creative prompts and community poem, I am taking January off to regroup and see where I am at without the constant work.



Thank you. I appreciate your love and belief in what I have tried to create here.

Mid-Month Challenge: Shadows

Shadow.
Janice.
Photography.

about this piece.
I took this self portrait, shadow photo, while playing blissfully unaware in the garden while pregnant with Jesse. In reflection there is so much more symbolism behind this photo as I recall the day I took it in comparison with how I feel today.

My belly was full,
My arms still pine
Does pain continue like the age of fossils?

November Theme: Shadows

November's theme is shadows. Literal. Figurative. They seem to envelope us after the death of our children. We have shadow children-those parallel living children born around the same time as our own children died or were due. And shadows that haunt our otherwise sunny days.

Community Poem
For this month's community poem, each contributor is asked to explore both a literal and figurative shadow in two lines. So, use a shadow imagery to describe something figuratively shadowed in your life. For example, my lines are:

Cast off the small metal urn, the darkness grows,
Covering the small neighbor boy, the same age as my grief.

Community Poem is going to be published on November 7th, so all lines must be in by noon on November 6th.


Photo Sunday

Taking the theme further for Photo Sunday, please take a photograph either representative or literal about shadows in your life. All photos must be in by November 13th.

Mid-Month Challenge

Mid-month challenge is explore this theme in art, music, poetry or craft. All work must be in by November 20th.

Ten Questions

Ten Questions will be posted on the day of the Community Poem.

Please direct all questions to the comment section of this post. I do hope this theme is interesting to all of you.

Mid-Month Challenge: Rituals

Building on this month's theme of ritual, this mid-month challenge is to explore ritual in a piece of artwork, craft or writing about your grief and loss. Contributor could use any medium.


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The Walking Stones.
Amy McCarter.
Photography.
Surviving the Day Every Day

about the photo.
I had the first SL 365 traveling journal last week and wanted to take some photos with the lovely hand carved stones that Ines included. The last day of my time with the journal arrived and still I needed some photos of those tiny little stone footprints. I had also started setting up an ofrenda for the Day of the Dead this week, and suddenly I knew what I wanted to do with the little carved stones. It is in Liam's memory, and the memory of all my dead, I make the ofrenda. It is in Liam's memory and the memory all our little babies who I carry in my heart I take this photo. -Amy

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For Thomas.
Julie Cozens.

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Ofrenda.
Angie
still life with circles.

about this piece.
I don't know if this is a craft or a project or just a photograph, or even art, but it felt art-y, and creative and ritualistic. I created this Dia de los Muertos altar, or ofrenda, for my daughter Lucia Paz with lots of the Day of the Dead art I received last year in the art swap hosted by Mother Henna. I also added some things to it, like a woodcarving Ines did for Lucy, as well as the Celtic calavera she created on driftwood last year, a jizo, some milagros, and a needlefelted calavera I made this year. This is the first time we have ever displayed Lucia's picture in our home. I put it in this cool frame someone offered in last year's swap. The picture frame itself is a little pocket, so I thought I could fold it up if we were uncomfortable around guests, or my husband became uncomfortable. I had to cut out the original felt because my picture was too large, and I remade it with felt and a sacred heart milagro. My daughter saw the picture of Lucy and said, "Oh, Mama, she is sooooo cute." This was an incredible project for me. Opposed to feeling sad, it made me feel joyful to think of brightly colored things for my daughter's space.-Angie

October Theme: Rituals to honor the dead.

I struggled with how to word this theme, even though I can see the idea clearly in my mind's eye. For some reason that felt possibly the most important part of this theme to communicate--that sometimes we feel concepts completely before being able to verbalize, make statements and commit them to language. Such is the relationship many of us have with death, especially when we lose our babies. We feel this importance, this gravity of spirit, without being able to communicate it to others. This is why ritual and art become so significant. They give us actions and means to tell our story without speaking.

When our children die, we suddenly touch our ancestors in the same moment that we touch our legacy. It is like time has folded in on itself.  I know when Lucia died I felt comforted by the knowledge that she may see or feel her grandfather in this place I couldn't visualize and state of being of which I was wholly unable to grasp, even as I wrestled with my own beliefs about life after death.  Most of us have our first experience of death from losing a great grandparent, or grandparent, but later when we lose our children, we bridge the experience of the "natural order of thing". I hate using the word natural, because death is natural, but what I mean of course is the early death of our children.

October seems to absolutely vibrate with the energy of the dead. Some people think of it as a magical time, or a time when the world of the living is close to the world of the dead. Halloween, maybe the most popular holiday, has its ancient roots both in the Celtic holiday of Samhain and the Catholic holiday of All Saint's Day. Samhain in its own right is still celebrated by pagans, and has the most vivid connections with the earth and harvest, the end of the "lighter half" of the year and beginning of the "darker half". As Wikipedia says, "The Gaels believed that the border between this world and the otherworld became thin on Samhain; because some animals and plants were dying, it thus allowed the dead to reach back through the veil that separated them from the living. Bonfires played a large part in the festivities. People and their livestock would often walk between two bonfires as a cleansing ritual, and the bones of slaughtered livestock were cast into its flames." Latin Americans celebrate Dia de los Muertos, or the Day of the Dead, on November 2nd (also All Soul's Day), which specifically honors those that have died. It is a celebration both outwardly and inwardly. People march in parade painted as skulls, but also create private altars honoring the deceased using sugar skulls, marigolds, and the favorite foods and beverages of the departed and visiting graves with these as gifts. Many people associate the morbid skulls and images of the dead to mean Day of the Dead is a dark holiday, but for most Latinos, it is a bright, fun holiday and an important part of their lifelong grief after losing their loved one.

So this month's theme is honoring the dead, our ancestors, our babies, and rituals around honoring them. I will break this down by week:

Community Poem

This month's community poem will be about rituals you do for your baby, be it light a candle, create an altar, sing a song, read a book. Write two lines based on a ritual you perform--the ritual can be something performed everyday, or it can be something performed once, like a funeral, planting a tree, or a religious rite. I hope to weave these together in a coherent poem, so while specifics of the ritual are important, try not to use specific names. There is a tie that will bind all these two lines together, begin first of two lines with the phrase, "In your memory..."

All community poem lines need to be submitted by October 2nd, for publishing on October 3rd. Please send it to stilllife365days@gmail.com. Just note that our email address has the word 'days' in it. I know some people have sent things to another, more logical, email address, so if you have, please note the correct email, and try resending. I have attempted to contact the owner of that email address to no avail.

Photo Sunday

Taking the theme further for Photo Sunday, please take a photograph of a something that you have done as a ritual, or that someone else has done as a ritual honoring the dead. All photos must be in by October 9th.

Mid-Month Challenge

Mid-month challenge is explore this theme in art, music, poetry or craft.

Ten Questions will be posted on the day of the Community Poem.

Please direct all questions to the comment section of this post. I do hope this theme is interesting to all of you.

For further inspiration, Mother Henna hosted an amazing Day of the Dead art swap last year and has compiled a book of the artwork for free! You can view it here, and while you are there, please check out her other amazing stuff. If you are looking to explore your grief creatively, I urge you, no, I push you, to take one of her grief home workshops, or connect with her for coaching. She inspires me everyday.

Mid-Month Challenge: September

Building on our gorgeous month of trees, this mid-month challenge is to use the image of tree in a piece of artwork, craft or writing about your grief and loss. Contributor could use any medium.


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Fallen Leaves


They watched us, as we traveled home
that night. Their arms full in bloom,
dancing in the passion of spring
and the promise of gentle rains.

We were not consoled, even then,
by their soft reassuring beauty.

Those same trees watched us tonight,
in their agony echoing ours.
They were great mourners,
bending and sighing for the wind.

They contorted themselves,
doubled in two;
reaching around their starlit world,
trying to hold on to something,
anything, so great was their emptiness.

The Darkness folded around them,
trying to console the leafless trees of autumn,
but instead it drove them deeper
into their depression.

Every now and then,
unknowingly,
some break in the throes
of grief.

Tonight we joined them
in the darkness
wailing with the wind
while the mourning comes
and goes again.

Hand in hand,
we twisted against
the wicked force
bending,
reaching,
but never breaking

-slh
An Unwanted Path.


about this piece.
I wrote this after my second miscarriage, which I lost in the spring but had been due in the Autumn. When we lost it, the trees were beautiful and alive- and as time passed and we approached the estimated due date, the trees were much like we were. I remember watching them dance with the wind when they were full of life, and then shake with it's force after. It touched a cord within me. -slh



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Family Tree.
Merry.
Polymer Clay. 
Patches of Puddles. (family blog, not specifically loss)

about the piece.

This piece of work was inspired by my family and the loss of our son, Freddie, in April 2010. Freddie is my fifth child and my first son. He died when he was 11 days old after failing to breathe in the minutes after his birth, despite an easy, trouble free labour. The picture is our family tree; the grass below is divided into 5 pieces, our five children who make the family what it is. The roots of the tree are growing through rocks, the foundations of our marriage and the things which make us what we are and the boulders on each side are us. The sky has two large stars and five small ones - all of us together, four daughters and one son and the sparkles are for what might have been and what might yet come. --Merry

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All Good Things In Your Name.
Audrey.
Photography.
Glutton Button.

about this piece.
This image is of Eva's tree, which is meant to bloom during the time of year when she was alive. Her tree blooms very briefly and while I wish it wasn't so, it is and always will be. -Audrey



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The Grief Tree.
Michelle Swords.
Expressive Artwork.
My World.

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Waiting.
Amy McCarter.
Maker, pen and colored pencil.
Surviving the Day Every Day

about this piece.
Sometimes it seems grief is too heavy for even the strongest tree to hold without breaking. While sitting alone upon this branch, opening her heart to the possibilities that await ahead, the branch breaks from the weight of the emotional load carried inside herself. She may fall.... she may not. Such are the possibilities... --Amy


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Next Sunday is the Ten Questions Blog Round-up and any reader is invited to join in. I will put up a Mister Linky at midnight on this blog. Contributors are invited to answer any or all of these Ten Questions about this month's theme and themselves. This is a way for readers of the still life 365 community to find other readers.And don't forget to check out other people and then leave a comment. Comments mean so much to everyone.

1. When you saw the theme of trees for the month of September, what immediately came to your mind?
2. What kinds of words do you associate with trees?
3. Of these words, do you associate any with yourself?
4. Have you been an outdoorsy person throughout your life?
5. How has your relationship with nature changed since your loss(es)?
6. Did you plant a tree or bush in honor of your child?
7. If you have planted a tree for your child, in what ways do you incorporate the tree into your life? If you haven't, what natural images do you associate with your loss? (Do you tend to it? Do you meditate or reflect under it? Do you places flowers by it?)
8. Trees have also been used to represent families. Talk a bit about your own family tree.
9. What are your feelings now about family trees and exploring your own lineage?
10. The rings of trees fascinate me. I remember learning that in hard years, the rings were smaller, or darker than in years of good water. Describe the rings of your tree.

September Theme: Trees.

Community Poem
Everyone approaches grief differently. While there is many similarities in our emotions around loss, death and grief, we each come by it in our own way. I am constantly amazed when I pull together community poems how few overlaps of words there are. When, for example, I wrote last month's community poem, which was submit one word that you think other people would use to describe you or your grief, I thought I was going to get twenty submissions of "strong". That was the first word I thought of, but I only received two strongs, and that was the only overlap.

One of my favorite poems is Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird by Wallace Stevens. Each of the thirteen stanzas is different approach to the theme of a blackbird. The minimalist style of each stanza, while influenced by the haiku, is not a haiku. I am linking the piece, because I want each of us to use that style in September's community poem. But first, I would like you to put your grief or death goggles on. Now, we are going to each write a stanza to thirteen ways of looking at an object through the lens of grief. Of course, that thirteen will change based on the number of entries I get. I really wanted the object to be unrelated to death or grief, even though I want each person to look at it through their grief. So, September's community poem will be Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Tree.

Start thinking about trees through the lens of grief.

Please direct any questions about this poem, or any section of this month's theme, in the comments section of this post. This month's community poem will be published on September 5th, so all entries need to be in by September 4th. Happy poeming!

Photo Sunday.

Photo Sunday is a showcase of photographs about a theme. This month's theme is trees. Tying this project to grief is the important, and difficult aspect of this challenge. Photo Sunday will be September 12th, so all pictures need to be submitted by the 11th.

Mid-Month Challenge.

Mid-month challenge is to use the image of tree in a piece of artwork, craft or writing about your grief and loss. You can use any medium, as always. Please send in submissions by September 18th, for submission on the 19th.

Ten Questions.

Here are this month's ten questions. I will post a Mr. Linky on Sunday September 26th. You come and link to your own blog with answers to these questions. You can choose to answer as many as you would like, or just post about the month's theme. This is a way for members of the still life 365 community to find other people in this community.

1. When you saw the theme of trees for the month of September, what immediately came to your mind?
2. What kinds of words do you associate with trees?
3. Of these words, do you associate any with yourself?
4. Have you been an outdoorsy person throughout your life?
5. How has your relationship with nature changed since your loss(es)?
6. Did you plant a tree or bush in honor of your child?
7. If you have planted a tree for your child, in what ways do you incorporate the tree into your life? If you haven't, what natural images do you associate with your loss? (Do you tend to it? Do you meditate or reflect under it? Do you places flowers by it?)
8. Trees have also been used to represent families. Talk a bit about your own family tree.
9. What are your feelings now about family trees and exploring your own lineage?
10. The rings of trees fascinate me. I remember learning that in hard years, the rings were smaller, or darker than in years of good water. Describe the rings of your tree.


When I was a kid, I loved loved loved Bob Ross, and often think when I am painting anything, "Happy little trees." So, for a little inspiration...





If you have any questions about this month's theme (TREES), please direct it to the comment section of this post. Happy creating.

Mid-Month Challenge: August

This month's community poem dealt with seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes. Contributors were asking to explore mirrors in August's mid-month challenge. Literal. Figurative. One could craft and incorporate mirrors in the piece, or use a camera to take a picture of yourself using a mirror, or the reflection of something else. Or paint a self-portrait, using the canvas as a mirror.

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Untitled.
Michelle Swords.
Mixed Media.

about this piece and contributor.
Michelle describes these pieces, "On the left side of the paper I wrote words describing life BEFORE losing Xavier, on the right side words describing life immediately AFTER losing Xavier.  There is also a second picture of how life is now 14 months after his stillbirth.  I have two children on this side of heaven (Michael & Andi).  Xavier Ian was stillborn June 4, 2009 at 18 weeks gestation, but he only measured 14 weeks gestation."  Michelle blogs at My World.

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What Grief Looks Like.
November 2008.
Sally.
Photograph.

about this piece and contributor.
Sally talks about her photograph, "Here is a picture of myself taken in the mirror in November 2008. Three months out, and at the peak of the most raw part of my grief. I call this picture 'What Grief Looks Like'. It was another miserable day at home alone without her, and suddenly the heavens opened. It poured. The biggest storm we'd had in as long as I could remember. And all I wanted to do was stand outside in the rain and hope the storm would take me with it.


"I came inside to dry myself off and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I had no idea just how sad and defeated I looked. I wanted to take a picture to capture the moment because as ugly as that time was, I don't want to forget it. The intensity of those first months is because of how close she felt. She'll never be that close again."


Sally blogs about life without her daughter Hope Angel and her son Angus at Tuesday's Hope.

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Self Portrait
Rachel.
2.5 x 3.5
Watercolor

about this piece and contributor.

Rachel's description of this piece, "I've always put too much weight in how others view me, and before Lyra died, I almost didn't know how to view myself without someone else's opinion. I could feel really beautiful and confident and powerful in my own skills and strengths. Usually those days were out numbered by the insecure days of questioning my choice of clothing and hair style. The mirror usually just reflects the ambiguity I have of myself. So, this mid-month challenge I decided to just dive into a self-portrait, and however it turned out, I'd be confidant in it. I wasn't going to re-work it until it matched some unrealistic beauty factor, or just scribble a jagged face because ugliness is easier. This is me as of late. I might look different later. But I'm not ashamed."

Rachel blogs at Curls o' Fred.

Mid-month Challenge: August

This month's community poem dealt with seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes. And so, I thought it only fitting to take the mid-month challenge and make it about mirrors. Literal. Figurative. That is up to you. You can craft and incorporate mirrors in your piece, or use a camera to take a picture of yourself using a mirror, or the reflection of something else. Or paint a self-portrait, using the canvas as a mirror. Whatever you choose, please let me know a little about your piece and how it relates to mirrors, so I can share it on August 15th. I would like all entries emailed to stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com by noonish or so on August 14th. (All times are United States Eastern Standard Time.)

Have fun with it. Even though we deal with quite serious subjects on still life 365, you are hereby always given permission to not take any of these challenges too seriously.

Mid-Month Challenge: July

July's mid-month challenge is late. I am so very sorry about that.

July's community poem this month is entitled What We Lost and it combined losses we faced after the death of our children. I feel like, even at 18 months out from my daughter's death, that new losses occur to me daily. This month's challenge is to talk about the secondary losses. My challenge to you is to represent that visually through graphic design, painting, guerilla art, sculpture, or anyway you can visualize it.

Good luck. Please submit entries by July 14th.

Mid-Month Challenge: June

This month's community poem was inspired by a series of children's books by Todd Parr, which describes things like family, earth and peace in simple terms and stick figures. Contributors were asked to help write The Grief Poem, describing grief with one simple central image that begins "Grief is". This month's mid-month challenge was to accompany the line submitted for the community poem with a picture.

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Grief is the pain you feel deep in your soul.
Betty Torres

Grief is hoping she will come back, while knowing she never will.
Jaimee, Madeline's "Jub" Mommy
Pen and "Twistable" colored pencils.

Grief is a black hole.
Angie.
Watercolor and ink.

  

Grief is distorting
Amy McCarter
Acrylic

about the piece.
May 2009 was a very emotionally difficult month for me. During a particularly dark day I painted this self portrait. I felt distorted, ugly and beaten down by grief. This painting seems fitting for the June challenge.





Grief is forever.
Janis Tan.

Grief is unrelenting and isolating darkness.
Beth Davis.
Acrylic.

Grief is smeared mascara and puffy eyes.
Rachel.
Watercolor and ink.

Mid-month Challenge: June

This month's community poem was based on the concept of defining grief in simple terms, much like a children's book. So, that is what we are going to do, pull together a children's book called the Grief Book. We already have it written, after all. This month, use the line you submitted for the community poem which starts with "Grief is..." and draw the picture it corresponds with. Use crayons, or watercolors, or markers, or whatever you like. Stick figures? YES!

If you did not participate in the community poem, that is cool. You can write the line and submit the picture all at the same time. If you don't participate in the mid-month challenge, you can pass your line along by adding it to the comment section below. Some people submitted lines that weren't exactly images. If you want to give up the line, and write another, that is fine too. If you want to claim an unused line, just comment after it and speak your intentions. Please submit your drawing to me via email at stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com. Please use June Challenge in the subject line. Submission deadlines will be June 14th. The book will be published on June 15th as a slideshow.

I really cannot wait for this mid-month challenge. I think it will be awesome.Have fun with it.

Mid-Month Challenge: May

The community poem (Question Tennis) about the questions that arise after loss evoked strong emotions in the few people who commented on it. It was hard to read all these unanswerable questions. I admit that after I was done composing the poem, I was unhappy with it. Actually, I sort of hated it. I just didn't like how it made me feel--helpless, hopeless, lost, left hanging, frustrated...you get the idea. I had a deadline, though, and left the description to reflect my unhappiness with the piece, "I think this poem could have been written a thousand ways." When I come up with the challenges and community poems, it really is so dependent on my mood and creative energy. Sometimes I put the idea out there and have no idea what I am going to do with all the responses when they come in. Other times, I have the idea in my head of the poem, and all the pieces fall into place. For this community poem, I was thinking about how much I love that scene in Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, which led me to think about how it is very much like grief questions. One question leads to another. I thought something would come to me when I saw all those questions together, but it is just like in your head, they fall flat. Fault.

I have decided to post the challenge this month a bit later than usual, so that you feel the crunch of deadline too. I would like you to do something different with the list of questions we received for the community poem this month. I am interested to see the thousand different ways to write this poem, if there is such a thing. Generally, I take out names/sexes/specifics of a loss in the community poem, because it is supposed to be a general poem written by everyone. I left them in this challenge for you. This is what I received. The only rule I follow is that it needs to be poetry. I am posting these challenge responses on May 14th this month, so all challenge entries need to be submitted by noon on the 13th. Heck, that is Thursday, you best get writing.


Do I have to? (regarding the whole pushing a dead person out of my vagina thing.)
How do I continue to face each day without you here, seeing you grow up to be the woman you were meant to be?
Was there anything else I could have done to protect him?
How are you going to get it out of me?
Who is to blame?
How could I possibly have let it slip my mind that babies die?
What is my purpose in living now that my baby Liam is dead?
Did I know? Did she know? Was she in pain?
How on earth do I help my children survive this?
How am I supposed to live each day without one of my children?

Mid-Month Challenge: April

April's Community Poem was an exploration in fortune telling and divination through bibliomancy. Essentially, we took someone else's words out of context and divined wisdom from them. For people who have suffered through stillbirth, miscarriage, infertility and neonatal loss, we constantly face platitudes, words spoken without thinking, social gaffes and a whole host of other hurtful comments. They sting us at our most vulnerable times and linger for a very long time. For April's Mid-month Challenge, contributors were asked to purposely take things out of context and make something meaningful from some else's hurtful or strained words or platitudes. Contributors were given freedom to choose any medium they were interested in. Each contributor used a visual medium.

I wasn't sure what was going to arise out of this project, but when they started rolling in, I thought each one was brilliant. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

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about the piece.
In Carly's words, "Here's a digital scrapbooking piece I did for the April Mid Month Challenge. The comment I used is one of the many comments I've heard. This one stuck with me. I know most people mean well but when you put it into a context like this or see it how it replays in my mind, it's not so helpful to hear. I put it with one of my favourite photos of our daughter Yuna, taken on the day she died. The only day we saw sunshine and breathed fresh air. We only have one or two with both myself and my partner. So you can see how looking at such a raw and powerful image filled with such emotion you can see that nothing like this is ever simply 'meant to be.' I chose the watercolour background because I wanted something beautiful too. It's sad, yes, but so often we have to turn our grief into that of beauty. It's not always beautiful but when we can make it beautiful it's all the more special. You can read more about me at Soul Blossoming."

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about the piece.
In Emily's words, "This is a picture I took of a flooded alley near my house. The words are something my dear mother said while I was laid up on bed-rest for severe late-postpartum hemorrhage 8 weeks after my son was born dead. I guess she was trying to be sympathetic, but she knows quite well that my husband had a vasectomy and my uterus will never be 'full' again. It breaks my heart.

about the contributor.
"My name is Emily, I have bad odds. Two living children, out of five pregnancies. Two were early miscarriages. Juniper was still born on February 3, 2010. He took a whole lot of my heart with him. My blog is The Nature of Balloons."

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about the piece.
In Angie's words, "I am a huge fan of what I like to call 'guerilla art' which takes familiar images and flips them on their head. There is already a line of ironic motivational posters called demotivational posters, which never fail to make my inner curmudgeon happy. I used the familiar image of these corporate mindless speak points to write something that I heard over and over again as a way to apologize for people who didn't even say they were sorry my daughter died. I actually did a screen shot of the google search result of 'what to say after stillbirth'. In this age of instant information, there is no reason that a competent adult friend should have nothing to say after your child dies."

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of this still life 365. Her second daughter was stillborn at 38 weeks. You can read more about me in the about the editor section.

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about the contributor.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to a cord accident on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.


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about the piece.
Audrey explains the piece: "This is a jacked up moving announcement. We moved last year and I struggled mightily with the whole thing, in particular the tiny prints moving announcement templates, that each included the names of the members of the family."


about the contributor.
Audrey is the mother of three, including a set of monoamniotic twins, twins who shared an amniotic sac, which is very rare, which earned her eleven weeks of inpatient monitoring and, sadly, hospital food. Her daughter, Eva, was diagnosed with a heart defect (hypoplastic left heart syndrome) in utero and died from post-surgical complications when she and her twin were 29 days old. As she approaches her personal "Lent" for the third time, Audrey is working to reconcile herself to life's dualities. Audrey writes at Glutton Button.

:::

about the contributor.
Franchesca's firstborn daughter, Jenna Belle, passed away after 13 days of fighting for her life in the NICU. No diagnosis was ever confirmed, although a genetic disorder was suspected. It is Franchesca's hope that Jenna's short visit to our world will make a difference in someone else's life forever. Franchesca maintains a blog about her experience at Handprints from Heaven. She also helps bereaved families by creating a Hope Collage of their child's name.

:::

about the piece.
In Jill's words, "I saw someone I know who works at a grocery store and shortly after I lost my twins she came up to me, hugged me, and told me not to worry and that I was still young enough to have kids. Needless to say, this comment crushed me. I don’t care how old I am. My twins died and my heart was broken. Another child would never replace them. I have had quite a few people say this to me in one way or another.

"I chose this picture because of the blue mountains and pink sky. It reminds me of my Emma and Chase. It was taken from a friends house in Massachusetts. "

about the contributor.
Jill is the mother of twins, Emma and Chase, who were born to early in August, 2009. She writes about her journey at Footprints on our Heart.

Mid-Month Challenge: April

April's Community Poem was an exploration in fortune telling and divination through bibliomancy. Essentially, we took someone else's words out of context and divined wisdom from them. For people who have suffered through stillbirth, miscarriage, infertility and neonatal loss, we constantly face platitudes, words spoken without thinking, social gaffes and a whole host of other hurtful comments. They sting us at our most vulnerable times and linger for a very long time. I still hear the echo of a friend saying I was jealous of her children. For April's Mid-month Challenge, let's purposely take things out of context and make something meaningful from some else's words. You can use a particular glib turn of phrase spoken by a cashier. An unkind comment someone said to you during your grief. A comment from an old friend. You can use some bibliomancy techniques by pulling a quote from a book unrelated to grief or loss. Really, the world of words is yours.

What you do with that quote is your own choice. You can make a painting, or collage from it. Or write a poem. You can take a photograph and entitle it with the out of context quote. Just use the quote in an unexpected way.

As always, please email your submission to stillife365days (at) gmail (dot) com. Use April Mid-Month Challenge in the subject line. Please get your submissions in before April 14th. Submissions will be published April 15th. If you have any questions about this challenge, please address it in the comment section of this post. I will address it there, so others are privy to clearer instructions. Have fun.

PS. Sorry. I thought this published on this first, but apparently, I saved it as a draft. Apologies for the late posting of the challenge. XO

Mid-Month Challenge: March

This month's mid-month challenge was to use a stanza from our Exquisite Corpse Terza Rima Community Poem for inspiration on a piece of art or poetry. I only received three submissions this month (my submission makes four though!). I hope you enjoy these pieces. First the poem:

Exquisite Corpse in Terza Rima

I. Fall in the river swiftly flowing,
destination completely unknown.
Dragged below, the current not slowing,

II. but everyday my love for you has grown.
Although you will forever be so small,
just dust and ashes now, not flesh and bone.

III. A spark, and the darkness over all,
Your light gone to a place we cannot go.
Does hope just give you farther down to fall?

IV. Your death delivered an earth-shattering blow.
A wound which places all past heartbreak to shame
when compared to the daily tears that flow.

V. I read a book to find your name.
I stumble along, then see it, blurred.
It's yours, but gone, and still the same.

VI. As much as I'm heartbroken that this occurred,
your life means more than most will ever know.
So I will spend my life making your story heard.

VII. Remove the cords and free my child. Now tow
me to the shore or I would drown beneath her weight --
mere pounds in bruised and bluish flesh but tons in mother’s woe.

VIII. No prayers left, surrendering to my fate,
I stare in wonder at the tiny grace,
wrap blankets ‘round three hearts and close the gate.

IX. Dark waves fall over the arms housing my empty embrace,
Carrying future to the sea, leaving Grief in its place.

:::

Inspiration I: Stanza I


















Stanza I
Amy McCarter
Pencil and Marker


:::

Inspiration II: Stanza V

Stanza V.

Beth Davis.

Photograph.

:::

about the piece.

Beth describes this photograph, "At first I was frustrated that with or without the flash, her name was blurry.  But then I realized, that's actually exactly what the stanza said.  Her name was already circled when I opened the book to put the flower petals (which were bought "for her" for Valentine's Day) around it for the photo.  

"It was a lovely inspiration because I also found written on the back cover of the book something I had forgotten about.. Kathlyn actually came from a combination of her great grandmothers Katherine and Evelyn and we were scribbling out different combos to find one we liked... it was nice to see that, it's a memory of happier times with her."

Inspiration III: Stanza VI & IX




















Stanza VI and IX
Carly Brooks
Drawing.

:::

about the piece.

In Carly's words, "I was reading the Exquisite Corpse poem when it was first posted and I was compelled to draw this. The sections that inspired me were VI and IX. The idea of a tiny lonely boat engulfed with enormous heavy waves resonates deeply within me. A sea of grief at times. "

about Carly.

In October 2008, Carly's daughter was born and died eleven days later. She describes this journey, "I suffered a uterine rupture and lost my womb along with my daughter. My blog Soul Blossoming is a place where I share that journey from loss to living again. I live in QLD, Australia with my partner and our two boys."

Inspiration IV: Stanza IX


Tanka: Stanza IX
by Angie

I tried to hold you, like one tries to hold the Sea.
You, controlled by moon and dark waves of Death, leave my arms covered in salted grief.

:::

about the piece.
In Angie's words, "I love the form of a tanka, which is 31 syllables and pre-dates haiku as a Japanese poetry form. Traditionally, the Japanese write it in one straight line, but in English, it is usually split up like 5-7-5-7-7. I decided to break it according to sentence here."

Mid-Month Challenge: March

March's Community Poem was an exercise in form and style. It is a challenge to explore our grief in a kind of literary box--a good challenge in my mind. This month's mid-month challenge is to take one of the stanza's of March's Community Poem Exquisite Corpse in Terza Rima and use it as an inspiration for your own piece of art, craft or poetry. You can create a haiku out of the words used in a stanza, or a painting, or just use one word as the beginning of a poem. It is really a challenge to turn the form on its head. There were so many wonderful images in this poem from which to build; hopefully, you will find inspiration within this piece.

To submit for the March Mid-Month Challenge, please send your art or poem to stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com by March 14th. The pieces will be published on March 15th.  Please use March Challenge as the subject line. For your piece, please reference the stanza by the Roman Numeral I have designated in the beginning of each stanza (if you want to use the title, you are also welcome to do that.) I am going to organize the pieces in that way as well. Good luck and have fun with it.

Exquisite Corpse in Terza Rima
I.    Fall in the river swiftly flowing,
      destination completely unknown.
      Dragged below, the current not slowing,

II.   but everyday my love for you has grown.
      Although you will forever be so small,
      just dust and ashes now, not flesh and bone.

III.   A spark, and the darkness over all,
       Your light gone to a place we cannot go.
       Does hope just give you farther down to fall?

IV.  Your death delivered an earth-shattering blow.
       A wound which places all past heartbreak to shame
       when compared to the daily tears that flow.

V.    I read a book to find your name.
        I stumble along, then see it, blurred.
        It's yours, but gone, and still the same.

VI.   As much as I'm heartbroken that this occurred,
        your life means more than most will ever know.
        So I will spend my life making your story heard.

VII.  Remove the cords and free my child. Now tow
        me to the shore or I would drown beneath her weight --
        mere pounds in bruised and bluish flesh but tons in mother’s woe.

VIII. No prayers left, surrendering to my fate,
         I stare in wonder at the tiny grace,
         wrap blankets ‘round three hearts and close the gate.

IX.    Dark waves fall over the arms housing my empty embrace,
         Carrying future to the sea, leaving Grief in its place.

Mid-Month Challenge: February

February's mid-month challenge, based on the Community Poem: Prescription, is to write a recipe for your own healing. What is moving you through each day and getting you through your loss? When you add all the elements up, what recipe make a functioning you? Here are the recipes we received for this challenge.

Recipe for Sanity
by Franchesca Cox

God's promises
fuchsia things sprinkled in my life
Jenna's picture
reminding me of a purpose I still have to live each day
space and lots of it
writing
blogging
a space to be creative
love
support
patience
constantly seeing Jenna's name in my world

:::

Recipe
by Amy McCarter

1 punching bag
1 large arm load of books
1 New pair of running shoes
i-pod playing Foo Fighters
2 greyhounds
Variety pack of dark beer
Multiple bottles of white wine
Dark roast coffee
4 - 5 girlfriends
Multiple paint brushes
Woods
Beach
Hot shower

Wake up drink coffee - black, no sugar no cream. Check emails and read blogs. Write. Walk the dogs. Pet the dogs. Nap with the dogs. Crank music loudly into ears and run until chest hurts. Hit punching bag until arms feel like rubber. Wipe away snot and tears. Stretch with the dogs. Cook dinner while drinking wine or beer...or both. Read a book about grief. Go to bed. Wake up and repeat. Stir in camping trip with closest girlfriends. Relax in the woods. Drink wine. Sprinkle on top beach vacation with hubby. Relax by the ocean. Drink beer. Stand with eyes closed in hot steamy shower. Write. Paint. Sleep. Learn to live again.

:::

Baked Grief
a recipe by Kara LC Jones aka Mother Henna

Mix all of the following ingredients well:

*immeasurable amount of grief
*three 16 ounce bars of dark, sweetened chocolate
*a bowl full of community, peppered with other bereaved parents
*long nights of sipping tea with dreams

Then add enough art to make the whole concoction boil over. Pour into non-stick heart and bake till golden, but do not let it burn!

Serve in huge dallops with a side of compassion and topped with sprinkles of sympathy.

Eat regularly to stay sane.

:::

Recipe for Survival
by Michael

Course 1 - stillbirth

1 baby
Infinite hopes and dreams
1 hospital
5 doctors
1 ultrasound
no heartbeat
lots of shock and grief
1 tiny tablet
3 midwives
10 hours
3 injections
Lots of tears
112 Special words
1 Camera
5 Photos
Broken hearts
Memories

Take baby Abigail, along with all the hopes and dreams to the hospital. Add the doctors at this point before conducting the ultrasound. This will show no heartbeat. The quantity of shock and grief will be immense. No controlling this process will be possible. The doctor will provide 1 tiny tablet and two days later labour will begin. Take 3 midwives, 10 hours and 3 injections of pain killers (for physical pain - nothing can dull the emotional pain). Add in lots of tears until baby is born. Take your time to add the special words. Add some more tears at this point. Use camera to take photos. 5 is not enough but you will only discover this later. By this point your heart will be broken, but you are creating memories that will last forever.

Course 2 - funeral
1 funeral director
1 crematorium
90 friends and family members
1 small white coffin
1 red rose
1 “I love you” heart balloon
1 teddy bear
More Tears
1 minister
3 Poems
4 songs
7 comforting bible verses
1 small plastic urn of ashes
1 special place

You won’t feel old enough to plan a funeral for your daughter but this stage cannot be delayed for very long. You can also create an incredibly beautiful service even amid the pain and shock. So, take 1 funeral director, 1 crematorium and add 90 friends and family members. The essential ingredient is to add 1 small white coffin at the start which will prove the focal point for this course. Since it is Dad’s job to walk the daughter down the aisle, Mum may chose to add 1 perfect red rose, 1 “I love you” heart balloon and 1 teddy bear on top of the coffin. At this point expect tears. Then add Minister and mix in poems, songs and comforting bible verses to create a beautiful service. Do not rush. Expect more tears. The next day you will be left with 1 small plastic urn with a few ashes inside. These can be scattered later to create a very special place. Expect more tears.

Course 3 - Grieving
1 Strong marriage
100s honest conversations
More Tears
1 faith – battered and bruised
Lots of Time
1 special place
Weekly walks
Memories
iPod playlist
67 songs
6 Good Friends
Dozen less good friends
Well intentioned but banal comments
Loneliness
1 Blog
87 posts of total honesty
7 rainbows
4 butterflies
Liberal quantities of hugs
Bottles of red wine

This stage will take the longest and indeed never ends. 1 strong marriage provides a valuable foundation for this course. This can be augmented with a constant stream of honest and open conversations and of course more tears. Your faith will also be a key ingredient – it is okay if it is badly bruised at this point, now batter it! Another key ingredient is time – add lots of time. There are things you can do to help in this process. Take the special place created during course 2 and add weekly walks. Take the memories that were created in course 1 and add even yet more tears and time. Take iPod playlist and gradually add 67 songs. Take iPod on weekly walks. Take 6 good friends and add 100s conversations. These will reduce in helpfulness as time passes but are worth persisting with. Unfortunately at this stage you will also find that less good friends might curdle with well intentioned but banal comments. Loneliness can result. At this point you may find that a blog and 87 posts of total honesty provide an invaluable antidote to loneliness. Yet more time – you really cannot have enough of this. The occasional rainbow and butterfly will add cheer to this bleak time. Asks friends to be liberal with hugs – you really cannot get enough of these either. Beware of adding too many bottles of red wine, they may dull the pain but they are not helpful in excess. Add time. Always more time.

Course 4 – Rainbow baby
1 healthy sperm
1 egg (unscrambled)
1 pregnancy test
9 months
Fear and hope in equal measure
1 rainbow baby

A vital part of healing will come from this course. Add 1 healthy sperm and 1 egg to create embryo. Take pregnancy test and add 9 months with fears and hope to create 1 rainbow baby.

(Alternative recipe)
7 months infertility treatment
40 hospital appointments
Disappointment
7 counselling sessions
6 months of antidepressants
Loneliness
More blogging
New virtual friends

In the event that you cannot source 1 healthy sperm a rainbow baby will not be possible. Instead add 7 months of infertility tests, 40 hospital appointments and lots of disappointment. Add 7 counselling sessions and 6 months of anti-depressants tablets. Remove some friends and replace with loneliness. Add more blogging and discover new virtual friends.

Strengthen faith and marriage. Appreciate what you have.

Add time – lots of time.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this month's mid-month challenge. The Community Poem will be posted some time this week. XO

Mid-Month Challenge: Valentine

The still life 365 February mid-month challenge was to design a valentine for your baby. I have compiled the visual challenges into a slide show. I added a slide after each piece with the contributor's first name and a short valentine message that either they wrote, or that I wrote. I asked for contributors to not write poems or longer messages, so if you did send me that, I am sorry I didn't add it. I wanted this to be a visual challenge.





Happy Valentine's Day to everyone and thank you to everyone for their contributions.

News at still life 365

Still life 365 got a bit of an overhaul. Hopefully, the space looks a bit more streamlined and clean. Sections like, about this blog, about the editor and how to submit are now located directly under the header.

Submission guidelines have been updated and changed based on some unexpected challenges I have faced since starting this blog. So, please please review these guidelines and make a note of them before sending to your work to me. I have been slowly making my way through the submissions. If you haven't heard from me, just know that I will contact you. I have had an amazing outpouring of submissions since my last call for help. They are beautiful and I just thank you all so much. Keep them coming.

The mid-month challenge deadlines are coming up very soon. Friday February 12th is the deadline for the Valentine visual challenge. Guidelines are posted in the right hand column of this blog. Please email submissions to stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com with the words VALENTINE CHALLENGE. The literary challenge is due on February 14th. Again, guidelines are listed in the top right column. Use FEBRUARY CHALLENGE for the subject.

There were some great suggestions in the last post for feedback. Thank you. One of which was featured last Sunday, which is our new Artist to Artist section where a contributor is interviewed about grief and art. One thing I envision for this space is real conversation about grief, loss, art and creativity. Hopefully, the Artist to Artist section can be a space where we can explore some of those conversations. I also think it would be great to hear who you would like to see interviewed on Artist to Artist. I hope to make this a feature that appears every other Sunday.

Also, Jess suggested a traveling still life 365 journal. She suggested posting pictures of the journal on the last day of the project, which I think is an incredible idea. The idea of the traveling journal is that I will start the journal with a two-page spread as a tribute to my baby, my life after loss, healing thoughts, and/or supportive messages--anything that moves me. The journal pages can either be mixed media, collage, painting, sketching...anything flat of which you can conceive. After I finish my two-page spread, I will then mail the journal to the next person on the list. Before mailing it off, I would put a dot on the map where I am. I would love to kick this project off in March. I will collect addresses and interested people and then come up with a journal journey.  If you are interested in taking part in the traveling journal, please email me with your interest and address to stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com with the subject header: TRAVELING JOURNAL. More details to come, but I am starting to collect addresses and names now, so start sending them. I will be posting a page under the header describing the project and the journey. No addresses will be posted on-line. I will keep a list, and after I create the journal journey, I will email each person with ONE address for the next place it will travel. Does that make sense?