Bossa do Anjinho, Julio Santillán and Francisca Almeida.

Bossa do Anjinho.
Julio and Francisca.
Film, music and art.

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about the piece.
Julio wrote this song the day his friends’ twins were born, right after he came back from the hospital. He imagined they were the little friends of his stillborn son, Alejandro. Part of the inspiration came from Chico Buarque, a Brazilian songwriter who often writes as a woman. The watercolors were painted by Francisca, Alejandro’s mother, as a healing activity. About half of the paintings are reproductions of (or inspired by) watercolors from the book The Tao of Watercolor, by Jeanne Carbonneti. Julio took pictures of the watercolors, recorded the song (with an amazing singer and friend, Ana Rossi), and made the video while Francisca was away in a business trip to make her a surprise gift. Here is an approximate English translation of the lyrics:

Bossa of the little angel

I forgot to feel all the pain
that was left by the illusion you were bringing

I forgot to cry, to understand
that you are not here and are only a remembrance

I was deprived to offer you the warmth
of this voice that names you

I’ll keep for another time
my advices and motherly fears

They will grow up and one day will know them,
the ones that are and will be your friends

It is difficult to understand what justice decided
to take you away forever



about the artists.
Julio Santillán, Argentine, 37, is a professional musician now based in Barcelona. Francisca Almeida, Brazilian, 35, is a scientist. They met in NYC where their first and only child, Alejandro, was stillborn at exactly 40 weeks, on December 30th 2008. Ale had been planned and the pregnancy was mostly healthy except for a few bleeding episodes between weeks 14 and 16. Despite tens of tests and an autopsy the doctors couldn’t explain Ale’s death. Julio has contributed to Still Life 365 before with an instrumental piece, Piedrita de rio.

Mizuko Jizo Gesture Cards, Angie.

Mizuko Jizo Gesture Cards.
Angie.
Watercolor.

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about the pieces.
Last summer, my beautiful, wise, amazing friend Janis sent me a catalog she bought in Japan when visiting an exhibition at a Buddhist temple from an artist monk. She translated the titles throughout the book onto post-its.She was de-cluttering, saw the book and mailed it to me. When I received it, I was immediately enchanted and inspired. I know nothing of kanji, but I love calligraphy, and mostly it is calligraphy scrolls. I instantly thought of ten things to do with these pieces, and then ten more when I put it down. Then one morning, while I was drinking my coffee and trying to get out of the house by 9am, I somehow thought that it might be a good time to paint a card or two based on this little page I found in the monk catalog. I paint jizo cards for my babylost friends when they are reaching a birthday or milestone, if I have time. So, sometimes I like to sit down and paint them as gesture paintings, spending a little time on each of them, and working through meditation. I opened the book and found two jizos flanking a Guan Yin, which is also a female Bodhisattva of compassion. Mizuko jizo has become very important to me in my grief, and painting them are like little meditations. So, I used this inspiration for some gesture watercolors, and well, they took over my desk. - Angie

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of still life 365. Her second daughter Lucia was stillborn after 38 weeks of pregnancy on December 22, 2008. She died on winter solstice. She writes about her experience with grief and mothering at still life with circles and is a regular contributor to Glow in the Woods. You can read more about Angie in the about the editor section.

Country Jizo, Amy McCarter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Country Jizo.

Amy McCarter.

Watercolor pencil and marker on paper.

March 2011.

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about the artist.
Amy lives in North Carolina with her husband and two greyhounds. Amy describes her journey, "Our only child Liam was born alive and apparently healthy on September 25, 2007, and was the joy of our lives. Our son Liam died soon after birth due to unexplained/unknown causes, shattering our world and our hearts. Art is an expression and release of my grief, and a way to honor the memory of our little man who is missed beyond words." Amy maintains a blog showcasing her Creative Everyday Challenge at Surviving the Day Every Day.

Learning to Ride the Wave, Ines

Learn to Ride the Wave of Grief.
8"x8"
Ines.
Watercolor.


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about this piece.

Learning to live life after loss is hard work. At the beginning after Fionn died I felt like I was drowning, going under, sinking, suffocating. Eventually I came back to the surface but struggled to keep my head above water. I was still alive but found that I had to learned to swim in a storm out at sea. I gradually advanced to floating along on a raft, or nutshell boat, then I started sailing, met friends on a similar journey and then made land, too. Now I feel I can learn to master these powerful waves (which I painted first). At times there even is a sense of thrill to be standing up and being able to deal with these forces. But it's not easy and it all depends on where on these waves I try to stand whether or not I get washed under and crushed, yet again. So I put the surfer on a string... movable. I'm learning to surf the wave called grief to a point where you become good at it  and can actually enjoy life again. - Ines

about the artist.
Ines, aka forward tumble, is a 42 year old mother of Fionn who died before he was born in June 2008. After a year of serious illness, she is learning to live her life without her child.

In Ines’ words, “While art and creativity has always somewhat been part of my life, I used to take a lot of pictures (still do) to capture the beauty of life. I have recently discovered art as a new way of expressing and releasing parts of me from within. I now pursue art in a more deliberate way because it seems to cleanse/liberate me which helps both in my grieving and life in general.”

Ines lives in rural Ireland in a house in a big field two miles from the sea. She maintains a number of blogs: forward tumble; daily forward tumble, chronicling her Creative Everyday Challenge; Fionn, a blog about her son; and tunnel time, a blog about growing vegetables in a poly tunnel in Ireland.

sl365 Valentine ATC, Amy McCarter

sl365 Valentine ATC
Amy McCarter
Marker and watercolor pencils on paper
February 2011

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about the artist.
Amy lives in North Carolina with her husband and two greyhounds. Amy describes her journey, "Our only child Liam was born alive and apparently healthy on September 25, 2007, and was the joy of our lives. Our son Liam died soon after birth due to unexplained/unknown causes, shattering our world and our hearts. Art is an expression and release of my grief, and a way to honor the memory of our little man who is missed beyond words." Amy maintains a blog showcasing her Creative Everyday Challenge at Surviving the Day Every Day.

i'm sorry i forgot you, Angie

I'm sorry I forgot you.
Angie.
Watercolor, poetry and filmmaking.

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about this piece.
This year, I decided to participate in the sketchbook project, which is a collection, like a traveling art show, of art journals. You select a theme and sketch, paint, collage a book about it. I selected the theme, "I'm sorry I forgot you." I wrote a poem about Lucia and what this grief journey has been like for me around that theme. I rebound the entire book, then began sketching this poem. This film is stills of each page of the sketchbook with me reading my poem. You can view the sketchbook at the Brooklyn Museum of Art Library, after it goes around the country on tour. I did love the idea of this project, and finding inspiration for writing about my baby in the oddest places. Today would have been Lucy's second birthday. --Angie

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of still life 365. Her second daughter Lucia was stillborn after 38 weeks of pregnancy on December 22, 2008. She died on winter solstice. She writes about her experience with grief and mothering at still life with circles.

One year, Rachel

One year

Rachel. 

watercolor  & pen

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about the piece.

I wasn't sure what to do for Lyra's one year anniversary. This seemed the most natural way to express how much we miss her, though nothing can really do justice to how deep of feelings we have and how much we still mourn her absence in our lives.

about the artist.

Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Helpless, Ines.

Helpless.
Ines.
7" x 5"
Watercolor.

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about this piece.
This is a painting of probably the most painful memory I have of the early days after Fionn died, the time of breast engorgement. During my entire pregnancy I had been looking forward to breast feeding my child. And then when the milk came, it really came in in a big way. I felt helpless, betrayed and useless. And I still do at times. I still wish I could have breast fed a baby with the bits of me that were designed to do so. -Ines

about the artist.
Ines, aka forward tumble, is a 42 year old mother of Fionn who died before he was born in June 2008. After a year of serious illness, she is learning to live her life without her child.

In Ines’ words, “While art and creativity has always somewhat been part of my life, I used to take a lot of pictures (still do) to capture the beauty of life. I have recently discovered art as a new way of expressing and releasing parts of me from within. I now pursue art in a more deliberate way because it seems to cleanse/liberate me which helps both in my grieving and life in general.”

Ines lives in rural Ireland in a house in a big field two miles from the sea. She maintains a number of blogs: forward tumble; daily forward tumble, chronicling her Creative Everyday Challenge; Fionn, a blog about her son; and tunnel time, a blog about growing vegetables in a poly tunnel in Ireland.

my new mantra, Rachel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my new mantra

Rachel. 

watercolor  & pen

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about the piece.

Now that I'm 10 months out from Lyra's death, I think people expect me to have mostly good days, and be back to normal. But my grief has not worked that way. One day can be good, and the next I feel like I'm kicked back to the ground. Some days when my grief or worry feels really overwhelming, I just have to keep telling myself to take a day at a time...or an hour at a time even.

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Grief Journey, Ines

Grief Journey.
Ines.
2.5" x 3.5" Artist Trading Card
Watercolor.

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about the piece.
The painting is the second one of my grief journey ATCs I painted for a swap. I was trying to encapsulate the up/down and the struggle about getting on top of the mountain of hurt. That's what the first ATC was trying to show that the journey is a hell of a climb over a mountain of hurt but that it does get easier and the sun shines again eventually). The second ATC shows more the dark side/bright side alteration path of the road, that we dip into darkness repeatedly on the journey along the winding road to get to the top/over the mountain of hurt. Even though they show a lot of darkness I hoped to show that there are better times ahead, I was trying to paint something that shows there is hope for someone who's at the start on their journey. -Ines


about the artist.
Ines, aka forward tumble, is a 42 year old mother of Fionn who died before he was born in June 2008. After a year of serious illness, she is learning to live her life without her child.

In Ines’ words, “While art and creativity has always somewhat been part of my life, I used to take a lot of pictures (still do) to capture the beauty of life. I have recently discovered art as a new way of expressing and releasing parts of me from within. I now pursue art in a more deliberate way because it seems to cleanse/liberate me which helps both in my grieving and life in general.”

Ines lives in rural Ireland in a house in a big field two miles from the sea. She maintains a number of blogs: forward tumble; daily forward tumble, chronicling her Creative Everyday Challenge; Fionn, a blog about her son; and tunnel time, a blog about growing vegetables in a poly tunnel in Ireland.

On Joy and Sorrow, Megan

On Joy and Sorrow.
Travel Journal page.
Megan Warren.
Watercolor and ink.

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about the piece.

This piece was created for the Still Life 365 Travel Journal. It is On Joy and Sorrow  by Khalil Gibran
This was read at the funerals of our sons. -Megan

about the contributor.
Megan is the wife to Ken and mother of five: 16 year old Troy and four who are only with us in Spirit - Brendan (stillborn 19/4/1999 - 20 weeks gestation); Cianan (stayed with us for us for 7 hours - 6/8/2000 - 22 weeks); Kavyn (stillborn 31/1/2002 - 23 weeks); Alex (stillborn 17/2/2005 - 21 weeks and 5 days). As Megan says, "Writing and art have helped me to traverse the journey that is grief. I have volunteered as a Peer support counsellor to other bereaved parents and facilitated grief writing workshops that I wrote and designed. I am in the process of developing this into an online workshop so that it is more accessible to those that need it. I blog at Four Ravens and  my former blog The Rose Garden has more of my poetry and writing."

i miss you, Rachel

i miss you.
Rachel.
2.5" x 3.5"
watercolor & pen

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about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Apple, Angie

Apple.
Angie.
4" x 6"
Watercolor.

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about this piece.
This is the first thing I painted after Lucy died. I couldn't do anything, really, I was so overcome with grief. And I decided to follow a How-To Watercolor book and the projects, just to keep my mind occupied. This little apple represents the first hour, or however long it took, in which I felt a sense of calm and concentration after my daughter's death. It isn't the best apple in the world, but it isn't poisoned either. In a lot of ways, this apple is the beginning of my exploration of creativity in my grief, and I guess the first domino in a chain reaction to this website.--Angie

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of still life 365. Her second daughter Lucia was stillborn after 38 weeks of pregnancy. She writes about her experience with grief and mothering at still life with circles. She is also a regular contributor at Glow in the Woods.

Moon Message, Rachel.

Moon Message.
Rachel.
2.5" x 3.5"
watercolor & pen.

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about the piece.
A friend sent me a poem from Tess Gallagher's "Moon Crossing Bridge", which is a book of poetry that Tess wrote after the death of her husband. The original poem that I was initially sent pairs with this piece:

Now we are like that flat cone of sand
in the garden of the Silver Pavilion in Kyoto
designed to appear only in moonlight.


Do you want me to mourn?
Do you want me to wear black?


Or like moonlight on whitest sand
to use your dark, to gleam, to shimmer?


I gleam. I mourn.

--Rachel

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Purple Heart, Angie

Purple Heart. 
8"x8".
Angie  
Watercolor.

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about the piece.
In Angie's words, "I created this piece as the first page of the second traveling journal for still life 365.  I originally didn't intend for the flowing of energy from the arms to be an upside down heart, but when it began revealing its shape, I went with it. The writing around the edge reads, 'This may not always look like love from the outside, but when you turn my days upside down and it is always a heart with your name right in the middle. Even when I have no intention of painting you, my blacks become purple hearts.'"

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of still life 365. Her second daughter Lucia was stillborn after 38 weeks of pregnancy. She writes about her experience with grief  and mothering at still life with circles.

Mother's Day Tears, Rachel

Mother's Day Tears.
Rachel.
Watercolor/pen.
8x10

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about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

At Sea, Rachel

At Sea.
Rachel.
Watercolor/pen.
9x2

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about the piece.
It's not a shallow grief. It's a very deep deep grief.

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Disconnected, Rachel

Disconnected.
Rachel.
Watercolor.

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about the piece.
Rachel describes her piece, "To be completely honest about the piece: I think it's awful how isolated you can feel in your grief. Even in regards to your closest friend, or family, or for me - my husband. We both experienced the same thing. Yet we're not anywhere close to being on the same page with one another. It's not an image of the fear of our marriage falling apart; rather it's an image of how grief is something bigger than you expect. I have faith that we'll have bridges across it someday."

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to placental abruption on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

Together, Rachel.

Together.
Rachel.
Watercolor.

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about the piece.
Rachel explains her piece, "This signifies the leaning on one another that babylost parents/friends/family have to do. We can't do this alone. I personally see this and my husband and I, with Lyra as the star."

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to a cord accident on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

I Dreamed You Once, Angie

I Dreamed You Once, 2010.
Angie
Watercolor, Ink.

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about the piece.
In Angie's words, "I created this piece as the first page of the traveling journal for still life 365. I had been procrastinating this piece because I just had been so busy, but when I sat down, I remembered these lines that had been floating through my head for days, 'I dreamed you once with purple eyes' and 'love is my center'. My only experience with Lucy alive and interacting with me was a dream I had where she clung to my belly, and looked up at me, smiling, with purple eyes. I cling to the memory of that dream as much as to the time we spent together after her birth." You can read and contribute to the traveling journal in the about the journal section of this blog.

about the contributor.
Angie is the editor of still life 365. Her second daughter Lucia was stillborn after 38 weeks of pregnancy. She writes about her experience with grief  and mothering at still life with circles.