Sea of Grass, Sherry Russo

Sea of Grass
by Sherry Russo

My son’s grave sits

on a sea of grass

in line with other graves

like a row of rocks

sitting on the distant shore.

Trees abound giving shade

while the wind blows.

Shade that never comforts

anyone above the grass,

except for the birds

who make their home.

A sea of grass

so calm, so serene

were it a park or a garden.

Although it is,

albeit a different one

where peace never comes.

Only sadness and a heavy heart

to be reminded of

how dead my son is

buried 6 feet underground.

08.02.11

1635

:::

about the poem.
I wrote this to express how I feel about the cemetery. 2 1/2 years into my loss, and I still can't accept that I have to go there to visit my son. It's painful being there and it triggers so many emotions. Thoughts and feelings that I manage to compartmentalize so I can move on with my life and be the best mother I can be for my two living children. As much as I hate the place, I still visit on a regular basis, out of obligation and out of love. - Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon. 

For A While, Sherry Russo

For A While

by Sherry Russo

For a while time stood still

suspended when you died

My heart, my mind

confined to where

you left me

In a haze

I muddle through

oblivious to the world

that continues to move on

Apathetic to everything

but my grief

my sorrow unyielding

For a while

I will stay here

in the depths of darkness

the valley of death.

05.24.11

:::

about the poem.

I actually wrote this due to my father's recent and very sudden passing. Although the grief I feel from losing a parent is a little different than that of a baby, the sentiment of the poem is universal. All of this really brings me back to when I first lost Brandon. - Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon. 

Grief, Sherry Russo

Grief
by Sherry Russo


Grief is the feeling
that consumed me
Paralyzed my being
My heart, my mind

Grief is the pain I feel
So raw
So excruciating
So real

Grief is what changed me
Yanked me out of life's comfort
Tore me into pieces
Molding me with time

Grief is accepting the reality of my loss
Missing my child that will never be
Living with the fragments of my broken dreams

Grief is a process that unfolds
A long, lonely journey
Of highs and lows
Ebbs and flows
To self discovery
To life
To healing

05.18.10

:::

about this piece.
I wrote this piece as a response to Still Life 365's creative prompt last year but never submitted it. I realized after I wrote the poem that I was only supposed to submit a line or two and not the whole thing. The site's creative prompt was a source of great inspiration to me. - Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon. 

Green Box, Sherry Russo

Green Box
by Sherry Russo


Green box
with all your stuff
is all I have left of you
A lock of hair
I could barely touch
So little, so fine and few
A yellow cap
meant to keep you warm
sits lonely and cold in the dark
A blanket that lingers
without your smell
lays idly in it's spot like a lark
The tiny gown you once wore
draped every inch of your skin
Is all that's left
without your flesh
for me to have
and to hold

07.27.10

:::

about this poem.
I couldn't open this box for a long time. As if I was afraid of what I will find, of how I will feel. As if opening it is worse than holding my dead child and giving him away knowing I will never hold him again. I had to brace myself each time, and still do. To bring a box home instead of a baby is so unnatural, so f*#%*d up. But I'm glad they forced me. I'm glad I have it... - Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.

Dream, Sherry Russo

Dream
by Sherry Russo

Was it just a dream
that I was pregnant with twins?
That for seven months you and your sister were inside of me growing, moving?
That I saw you, felt you, heard you?
Loved you and Sophie with my every being
the moment I found out I was pregnant?
That for seven months
we were awashed with hope and big dreams,
imagined how our future would be
How perfect to be blessed with two babies?

Was it a just dream
that I gave birth to twins?
That I saw two faces with pink and blue caps on their tiny heads?
That you were alive and breathing at that moment?
That for a moment I believed everything will be alright?

Was it just a dream
when I was told you died?
That I held you and kissed you with your skin still warm?
That I still hoped you will open your eyes?
That I still hoped you will let out a cry?

Was it just a dream
that last winter we had to decide
on funeral arrangements instead of a homecoming?
That on the coldest day of the year
we buried you and said goodbye?
That I died with you that same night
and buried with you forever?

Was it just a dream?



02.27.10

:::


about this piece.
I wrote this piece a year after Brandon died. Reaching that first year anniversary, I was able to finally take that big breath and yet my loss still seemed surreal at times. Some days it felt so fresh while others felt like it was a lifetime ago. -Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.

My Wound, Sherry Russo

My Wound
by Sherry Russo

They say time heals all wounds
I doubt that it's true
Mine is not the type that heals
A scab might form
Tissues granulate
But only temporarily
Every now and then
the scab falls off
My wound reopens
Sometimes it bleeds
Other times it doesn't
Nevertheless it stings
Raw
Painful
Gaping like it's new
No creams to numb the pain
No sutures to keep it closed
No bandages for protection
It will never become a scar
The cycle repeats
My wound doesn't heal
A permanence in me

:::

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.

Remembering Brandon today on his second birthday.

Forever, Sherry

Forever

by Sherry

Forever is a word

I thought I will always have

A simple word

that now has changed.

Seeing it tugs the strings on my heart

Hearing it stirs my ache.

You are gone forever from this world

I am forever lost

Forever is how I wanted us to be

Now I am left with a void

for all eternity

Forever without you has changed me

It's meaning evolving with time

Forever is how long my arms will ache

Without you by my side

Forever is the thought

that keeps me going

In this journey filled with sorrow

Forever is such a long time to wait

But I am hopeful for tomorrow

You are forever my child

Long after they stop speaking your name

I am forever your mother

Who will always love you

just the same

You have forever touched my life

in the short time you were here

You are forever missed

You are forever loved

You are FOREVER in my heart.

:::

about the poem.
This poem was inspired by Jill's (Footprints on our Hearts) beautiful giveaway, a key chain stamped with the word Forever on it and her readers responses to what the word means to them. I compiled some of the responses and made a community poem out of it. The giveaway was a part of Tina's 25 days of giveaway. -Sherry


about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.

I Never, Sherry Russo

I Never
by Sherry Russo

I never saw your eyes
nor held your gaze
But you have shown me love
I have never seen

I never heard your voice
nor hear you cry
But your silence is deafening
as it echoes in my mind

I never felt your fingers
nor held your hand
But you have touched my life
in ways nobody else can

I never kissed your toes
nor smelled your feet
But your footprints left an indelible mark
forever engraved in my heart

I only had you for such a short time
Held you just for a brief moment
But you have given me
a lifetime of love,
a gift for all eternity.

:::

about this poem.
I was in the recovery room post c-section when Brandon died. When they finally brought him to me, he was all wrapped up in his blanket. None of the nurses encouraged me to unwrap him and dress him one last time. The only thing I saw was his face...Brandon was my twin boy who died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung. They were born prematurely at 28 1/2 weeks. -Sherry

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.

Your Name, Sherry

Your Name
by Sherry

I speak your name
My eyes well up
My heart aches
For you can never answer me

I hear your name
It catches me
Makes me stop and pause
I know it's not your face
I will see

I see your name
I am filled with wonder
I am filled with love
I know you are with me
You know you are loved

Your name
As beautiful as you
As special as you
Music to my ears
Even with the pain
Even with the sadness
Because you are mine
And will always be

4/30/2010

:::

about the poet.
Sherry describes herself, "I have been married for 10 years to a wonderful husband, a mother of three, one in heaven. Our world was forever changed when our twin babies were born at 28 1/2 weeks due to an incompetent cervix. Our twin baby boy Brandon died shortly after birth from complications of a collapsed lung, and Sophia stayed in the NICU for 48 days. I mostly write about Brandon and my journey in this world without him. It's the only thing I have that's devoted to him. It helps me heal, while keeping his memory alive." Sherry blogs at Remembering Brandon.