Showing posts with label Michelle Swords. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michelle Swords. Show all posts

Monday, November 29, 2010

Collage, Michelle Swords



Upper left, close-up.

Close-up.



















































Untitled.
Michelle Swords.
Collage.

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about this piece.
I did this collage in early October.  Starting in the upper left-hand corner there is a picture of fire/water which describes my constant anger/peace within myself.  The picture of the leaf turns over to a picture of a 'sad' child.  I loved both the picture of the leaf with holes where an insect or tiny bug had been eating away at it and thought about how my grief (Xavier was so tiny, but look at the holes you can clearly see from the grief) eat away at me.  The picture of the child just looks how I feel so much of the time. 

Continuing to the right there is a person looking through a door - I feel like a person looking through a locked door sometimes.  I can't clearly see what's on the other side (heaven), but it's better than here.

"
now comes the hardest part" "hunting for glory"
Fully Rely On God
I search for glory in this world (the world compass), but I know true glory will be in heaven.  It's so hard to trust God on this grief journey.
The field of flowers represents heaven - a better place (beautiful)

"
I never had a swing growing up.  Before you die, you should really have a few things you never had growing up."  Sunshine Briguglio
I just really liked this quote because it made me think of Xavier never even experiencing earth outside the womb.

The lemons on the bottom left-hand of the page and the pitcher full of lemons on the bottom right-hand of the page remind me that when life gives you lemons, you can only make lemonade if you have water & sugar too.


Flashback ~ I feel like this man sitting in front of a large picture with a bright warm day on it (happier times) that is in front of a building falling apart on a cold day (grief times).  I don't always live in reality.  I sit in front of my grief with this nice naive backdrop of happier times, but if I get too far to one side or the other i'll realize what my reality is and break down again.


The tornado shows how I seem to go through life right now, haphazard and never knowing which way my grief storm will hit and take out whatever is in it's path. 


Broken dreams ~ there is a band-aid over the picture of the house with the beautiful field of flowers.  This represents that even though I may look all put together on the outside I am broken on the inside, you just can't see it.


The polar bear is just my favorite animal and my car is a ford so I put those two things on there.
 --Michelle Swords


about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World. She writes the names of babies gone too soon at Hangin' With Xavier on the Fridge.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Typical Week on the Grief Journey, Michelle Swords

A Typical Week on the Grief Journey 
February 25, 2010.
by Michelle Swords

so, i had a really great weekend; things were starting to look up.
then...
monday; nothing particularly bad happened monday
but then...
tuesday; i was just f.i.n.e. (frantic, inconsolable, neurotic, empty) on tuesday
and...
wednesday; i cried in the morning and i cried before going in to work and i cried myself to sleep wednesday
today...
thursday; does not look good from here at six a.m.
tomorrow...
friday; it's too far away to think about friday
the weekend...
saturday; grieving
sunday; crawling into monday to start all over again (if i make it and i'm sure i will; this side of heaven is just that cruel)


about the poem.
"This is just a typical week on the grief journey. My emotions are on a rollercoaster ALL THE TIME! I never know how I will be feeling because even though I may be happy or content in the morning I could see something that triggers a memory and be reduced to tears before lunch. this grief journey is very tiring." -Michelle


about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World. She writes the names of babies gone too soon at Hangin' With Xavier on the Fridge

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Soul, Michelle Swords

The Soul
December 31, 2009
by Michelle Swords

the soul was young, not even born
the soul was loved from the beginning
the soul was beautiful, beauty that never reached it's full potential
the soul is in heaven, never to experience the pain here on earth
the soul is with Jesus, basking in His glory
the soul is loved...forever
the soul is remembered forever, never forgotten
the soul is missed

:::

about the poem.
This is a tribute to my son. On June 3, 2009, I went in for a routine 18 week check-up and the doctor could not find a heartbeat.I  was devastated. Xavier Ian was stillborn June 4, 2009. My life was changed forever." -Michelle.


about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World. She writes the names of babies gone too soon at Hangin' With Xavier on the Fridge

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

December 17, 2009, Michelle Swords

December 17, 2009
by Michelle Swords

a tiny life lost, only partially wanted
a tiny life that will be loved forever
a tiny life gone before it even began

a mother devastated; a father relieved
a mother who now longs for connection to her husband
a mother wants to speak of her lost son
a father angry at the very mention of

xavier ian

:::

about the poem.
Xavier Ian Swords was stillborn at 18 weeks gestation (measured 15 weeks) on June 4, 2009. My husband and I differ in how we grieve as my husband didn't really want another child and struggled with accepting the pregnancy from the beginning. In the early days of my grief, there was a great distance between my husband and myself and I wrote this poem. -Michelle

about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World. She writes the names of babies gone too soon at Hangin' With Xavier on the Fridge

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

December 15, 2009, Michelle Swords

December 15, 2009
by  Michelle Swords

a life long ago, she no longer lives
she barely remembers those days, so much younger
naive, full of hope and ambition...

a life today, she is currently living
she barely makes it day to day
lessons learned from experiences lived

she is a woman
beautiful, hurting, aching
always

:::

about the poem.
I wrote this only six months after losing Xavier Ian. The person I remember me being is gone forever and I struggle with finding myself again. I think I really found myself when I became a mommy and to lose a child made me completely question everything. I  have two living children, but I now have to find a way to live again, through the pain. -Michelle


about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World. She writes the names of babies gone too soon at Hangin' With Xavier on the Fridge.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

My World 2, Michelle Swords



















My World 2.
October 10, 2009
Michelle Swords.
Expressive Artwork.

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Michelle walks you through this piece. Please enjoy this slideshow explaining the meaning behind her work.



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about this piece.
Michelle describes her work, "This was the second piece of expressive artwork I completed after losing Xavier. (The first piece is showcased here.)  The colors are deeper because I felt stronger than I had two months before.  So most everything is the same as the first, just bolder.  I focused on family being in my world and moved everything else outside that is helping me.  I am now swimming in a sea of peace, love, and passion.  Xavier is still very near the center of my world.  My universe of hope is turning into a universe of healing.  I continue to have the stars (bright spots) of friends (Tonya, Matt, April), the star of parents sharing hope (support group I attend), the star of journaling, and the star of singing & music along with the Oaklawn, family, and church (faith, hope, glory).  There are blank stars to represent the things that are helping me that I don't realize until later on."

about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

My World, Michelle Swords


















My World.
August 20, 2009
Michelle Swords.
Expressive Artwork.

:::

Michelle walks you through this piece. Please enjoy this slideshow explaining the meaning behind her work.


:::

about this piece.
Michelle describes this piece, " This is the first piece I did after losing Xavier Ian, just two and a half months after he was stillborn.  Xavier is the center of my world.  I am swimming in a sea of grief.  there are three continents, Andy (my husband) who is my rock, Michael & and (my five year old son and three year old daughter) who each bring growth and help me to keep going on.  I am a Christian and my faith has helped me along this journey.  there is a whirlpool of joy because every now and again I do find joy.  the island with a question mark represents a miscarriage I had before Michael.  there are islands of hope - Oaklawn (where I work with wonderful supportive people) and God, faith, church, glory, and my family (especially my sister).  my world is surrounded by the universe of hope with stars (bright spots) of friends (Tonya, Matt, April), the star of parents sharing hope (support group I attend), the star of journaling, and the star of singing & music.  I did a second one a couple months later to see how far I had come in my grief."

about the contributor.
Michelle writes about her journey on her blog My World.