Reflection, Jill

The Glass Baby
by Jill

I wake one morning
Aware of molten glass
Pouring into me.
It burns and the pain makes me cry.
But my tears don't cool the fire
So I grit my teeth and reach down.
I pull and push until a shape is formed -
A tiny glass child.
I look at my hands, burnt and bloodstained,
And I fold them over my belly
To protect the fragile life within.
IT ISN'T ENOUGH.
Until suddenly, my little glass boy floats.
I look inside and see his sister.
She is rocking him and crying tears of joy.
Her tears surround him in a warm, wet bath.
He floats, protected and happy,
My tiny man.
Her tears reflect in the glass of his limbs
And Rainbows burst from my womb.
Her tears, my broken hands, his rainbow
Surround him on our journey
'Til he bursts forth in a gush of her tears and my blood.
I recognise his newborn cry
As a call of goodbye to his womb mate
His newborn limbs flailing a wave
To his loving sister,
Who smiles and kisses his head,
Before wrapping herself in our rainbows
And tucking herself back into my heart.

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about the piece.

"I've been reading through all the posts from the "Where are we right now?" project and it has lead me to reflect on my own relationship with my daughter and my grief. I have felt distant from all things babylost recently and it has been valuable for me to re-connect. I was drawn back to these two pieces, both created in the first year of my grief, to remind me that I carry my daughter and her loss with me always, in all situations - not matter how far down the path I travel." -Jill

about the artist.Jill's third child (her second daughter), Emma, died during labour at 40 weeks on 14th October 2008. She blogs about her beautiful girl and her journey without her at Only a Whisper.

Possible Factor V, Adrienne Yancey

Possible Factor V
Adrienne Yancey
Acrylic mixed media

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about the piece.
I created this piece after finding out that my blood clotted in the placenta due to a possible genetic blood disorder resulting in my son Leo being stillborn. I wanted it to represent the inability of my placenta to sustain Leo's soul and his graceful exit from my body. I saw it in my mind while driving home from the doctor and thankfully I was able to bring it into reality. -Adrienne

about the artist.
I am a 28 year old restaurant manager and beer buyer. Leo was my second son and he was going to be my last. I had severe complications with my first son and feared the worst my entire pregnancy. The day they told me he was gone crushed a part of my soul. I have been using art as an outlet for my emotions. This piece expressed what I wanted perfectly. I have a blog at Loss of Leo. I appreciate the opportunity to share this with other baby loss parents. -Adrienne

My Heart, Shaina

 
















My Heart.
Shaina.
Mixed Media on Acrylic.


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about the artist.
I am a 30 year old woman who lost my firstborn son on March 8, 2011. I had an easy pregnancy and was two weeks overdue when I finally was induced. I had a very long (36 hour) labor and my son was fine and healthy until the last 30 or so minutes when his heart rate started to decrease. However, it was in the last five minutes before he was born that his heart stopped and he never took a breath after being born. I am not a very crafty person, mostly because I feel too insecure, but I have found art to be healing and a cathartic way of expressing my grief. -Shaina

Shaina blogs at My Search for Hope.

The Garden, Shaina

The Garden.
Shaina Gadow.
Acrylic and mixed media.

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about this piece.
I have been searching for ways to "mother" my son in his physical absence and found creating a garden and tending to it is a way to nurture him and/or his memory. It is way a to feel close to him when I can't hold him in my arms. -Shaina

about the artist.
I am a 30 year old woman who lost my firstborn son on March 8, 2011. I had an easy pregnancy and was two weeks overdue when I finally was induced. I had a very long (36 hour) labor and my son was fine and healthy until the last 30 or so minutes when his heart rate started to decrease. However, it was in the last five minutes before he was born that his heart stopped and he never took a breath after being born. I am not a very crafty person, mostly because I feel too insecure, but I have found art to be healing and a cathartic way of expressing my grief. -Shaina

Shaina blogs at My Search for Hope.

Ornament in Mackenzie's Memory, Audrey.

Ornament in Mackenzie's Memory.
Audrey.
Mixed Media Collage.

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about this piece.
Audrey created this ornament for the Remembering Together ornament swap.

about the contributor.
Audrey is the mother of three. She is raising two and writes at Glutton Button.

Jizo Artist Trading Cards, Jennifer.

Jizo Artist Trading Cards.
Jennifer.
Mixed Media.

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about this piece.
I saw some of the art work of other baby lost moms I read online as well as those on Still Life 365 and got inspired to follow in their footsteps. It is my first time creating artist trading cards. These are the result of the Buddhist ceremony we attended for our son, Kai, last month. I wanted to make something tangible to remember that ritual and to share it with others, for it brought me comfort. I'm not a Buddhist but knowing about Jizo has somehow given me a bit of solace in this sad journey. I'd like to think that my son is being watched over and kept safe by the compassionate Jizo. Making these cards was very therapeutic for me. But sending them out through the mail to other moms in an art exchange really brought the whole experience to a full circle. I hope they would find comfort in them. Here's the blog entry I wrote for the Buddhist ceremony we attended, Remembering Our Mizuko.-Jennifer

about the artist.
I write a blog in memory of my son, Kai, at Searching for a Safe Harbor

Untitled, Lindsay.

Untitled.
Lindsay.
24" x36"
Acrylic paints, handmade paper, glass, sand and gloss medium on canvas.

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about the painting.
This piece began after I was discharged from the hospital and Zoe-Beth was still there on a ventilator. Many things are represented here. My torn placenta, the beauty, pain, new life and longing. I feel like this painting truly represents where I was at during and after my daughter's short life and death. It hangs above the dining table to remind me of the past, but to also remind me of the beauty the future may hold for me yet. --Lindsay


about the artist.
Lindsay is an artist and mother of three. In September 2007, Lindsay had a full placental abruption at 32 weeks with her second daughter Zoe-Beth. Zoe lived for three weeks. Lindsay blogs about her life, art and journey at La La Land.

Remembering Zoe-Beth on her third birthday.  

Altered Book, Amy McCarter.

Altered Book.
Amy McCarter.
Mixed Media.

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about this piece.
Amy describes this work, "This is one of the first pages I made in my altered book earlier this year. Mixed media of magazine and acrylic paint."

about the artist.
Amy lives in North Carolina with her husband and two greyhounds. Amy describes her journey, "Our only child Liam was born alive and apparently healthy on September 25, 2007, and was the joy of our lives. Our son Liam died soon after birth due to unexplained/unknown causes, shattering our world and our hearts. Art is an expression and release of my grief, and a way to honor the memory of our little man who is missed beyond words." Amy maintains a blog showcasing her Creative Everyday Challenge at Surviving the Day Every Day. 

Separation, Audrey

Separation.
Audrey.
Mixed Media.

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about this piece.

Audrey describes this piece, "This is a page I created for the travelling journal. I have loved this poem since high school, well before I had any understanding of its meaning. When Eva died, this poem came back to me and has stayed with me ever since."

about the contributor.
Audrey is the mother of three. She is raising two and writes at Glutton Button.

Untitled, Michelle

Untitled.
Michelle
Mixed Media and Acrylic.

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about this piece.
Michelle talks about her piece. "This piece is painted using acrylics, torn magazine photos and other paper materials (decoupage) that represent who I am. Audrey was born at 25 weeks and died 5.5 hours after birth. I started this painting about a month after she died as I struggled to remember who I was before my heart and womb felt so void. Nine months later I was finally able to go back to it and finish. It's as if all that was in my heart went with her and she left me with love."


about the artist.
Michelle blogs at Loving Audrey.

Day of the Dead, Amy McCarter

Day of the Dead.
Amy McCarter.
Watercolor pencil mixed media.

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about this piece.
Amy describes her work, "Early on in my grief journey I became frustrated and overwhelmed when trying to find scrapbook paper for Liam's book. I decided to make my own and I created a piece with a buttery yellow background with sweet blue forget-me-not flowers. This handmade scrapbook page remained unused for at least a year until I participated in a Day of the Dead art swap. I created a skull using some scrap book paper I bought while pregnant with Liam. After designing the skull and placing it onto the handmade paper, I decided to keep my creation and add it to Liam's scrap book. This finished piece was made October 2009."

about the contributor.
Amy lives in North Carolina with her husband and two greyhounds. Amy describes her journey, "Our only child Liam was born alive and apparently healthy on September 25, 2007, and was the joy of our lives. Our son Liam died soon after birth due to unexplained/unknown causes, shattering our world and our hearts. Art is an expression and release of my grief, and a way to honor the memory of our little man who is missed beyond words." Amy maintains a blog showcasing her Creative Everyday Challenge at Surviving the Day Every Day. 

Leah's Scrapbook Page, Theresa Tamash

Leah's Scrapbook Page.
Theresa Tamash.
Mixed Media.

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about the piece.
Theresa describes this piece, "After our daughter died, we participated in an infant loss support group with a few other families. For our final meeting we decided to put together a scrapbook with a page honoring each of our babies. We gave the scrapbook to the group's facilitators to share with future groups and invite them to add a page for their babies as well. Our hope was that it would give newly bereaved parents a greater sense of community, and help them to understand that they are not alone. This is the page I made for our daughter, Leah"

about the contributor.
Theresa Tamash and her husband live in Florida with their two dogs. Leah was their first child. They are anxiously awaiting the arrival of our second daughter, who is scheduled to arrive on May 10, 2010. Theresa maintains Leah's website.

Art Journal Spread, Rachel

Art Journal Spread.
Rachel.
Mixed Media.

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about the piece.
Rachel describes the piece, "The lyrics are from the song "Grey Street" from Dave Matthews Band. They felt especially pertinent the night I made this spread."

about the artist.
Rachel lives in Kansas with her husband of four years and a gray cat. They lost their first child, Lyra, at 30 weeks due to a cord accident on December 18, 2009. Rachel maintains a blog called Curls O Fred.

The Womb Book, Kara L.C. Jones

The Womb Book.
Kara L.C. Jones
Mixed Media and accompanying video explaining the technique and piece.


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about this piece.
Kara sent me this amazing video and the accompanying images of the Womb Book. This handmade book was created from recycled produce crate, cracker box, string, rice paper, acrylic paint, and done in a series of seven. The books were displayed in an art show, opening night being two hours long. The conservative statistics of stillbirth in the U.S. show that approximately seven babies die every two hours of every day of every year in the U.S. alone. The seven books were displayed on opening night as representation of the seven babies who would die while we all looked at art.

about the artist.
Kara is the Radical Creative behind all things MotherHenna.com. In 1999, after the death of their son Dakota, Kara and her partner Hawk co-founded Kota Press (KOTA: Knowing Ourselves Thru Art), an expressive arts outreach. Through their KOTA work and in partnership with the MISS Foundation, they have been mentoring other bereaved parents and caregivers around the world, offering creative perspectives on learning to life again after loss. As a coach to private clients, Kara facilitates the exploration of grief and creativity using many tools for alternative mind, body, spiritual health. Some of her specialties include henna art, heART-making, co-active coaching, Reiki, Tapping, asking the answerable questions and more. Kara keeps a radical creativity blog at Mother HennaKota Loss & Compassion Blog. Kara has been featured three times on still life 365 with her scrapbook page for her son Dakota, her poem Take-out Order, and her poem the After Life.

Lev's Card, Aliza

Lev's Card. 2008
Aliza Rothman Labowitz
Mixed Media. Poetry. Stone with acrylic.

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about the piece.
Aliza and her husband sent this card, front shown on left, and the back shown on right, after their child, Lev River was stillborn. She accompanied the card with the poem Your Perfect Feet with a small river rock with Lev's name on it. In a letter that came with the card and rock, Aliza wrote a heartfelt letter explaining her and her husband's grief. She urges her friends and family to keep the rock somewhere to remember Lev. In her letter, Aliza writes, "We are forever changed by Lev's brief life and his death. A part of us died when he did. We now have to begin picking up the pieces and figuring our who we are in the aftermath of losing our beloved son.

"We ask that you continue to hold us in your hearts. We hope that you can be patient with us as we find our way. That you do not have too many expectations and understand that grief is ongoing and non-linear. We will never be over the loss of our son. We will always be heartbroken; we will always think about him, the things he never got to do and the ages he never got to turn."


about the contributor.
Aliza is a grieving mother. Her first son, Lev River, was stillborn August 20, 2008, at 38 weeks. Aliza is an expressive arts therapist who has had a hard time finding her way back to the arts since the loss of her son. Aliza welcomed her second son into the world on March 20, 2010.

Skybox, Skytimes

Skybox.
Skytimes.
Mixed Media.

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about the piece.
In Skytimes' words, "(Still life 365) already posted what was meant to be Sky's memory-box. Turned out it was a little too small for the footprint-letters and a little too delicate for excessive overuse. Last August, during the built-up to his second birthday, I finally started making his memory-box. I put in everything that is Sky: the two pictures the hospital made, hand- and footprints, consolation cards, photos from the rainbow on his first birthday, my angel-bracelet and a piece of his gravestone. (I asked the mason of he could give me some pieces that would emerge when he shapes the stone). And when I finished the outside of the box and put everything in one after the other, I felt very peaceful."

Materials used:

• cardboard-carton
• wooden letters
• silver and blue decoupage-paper
•  butterflies from old wrapping paper
• decoupage-glue

about the artist.

Skytimes is a graphic artist and designer. Her son Sky died on August, 14th, 2007 and was born sleeping 5 days later on August, 19th 2007, at 33 weeks. She maintains a blog at Skytimes.

January, Jill

January, 2010
Jill
Mixed Media

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about the piece.
Jill created this piece specifically for "still life 365". She describes the piece:

This is the month when we will meet our subsequent baby. Living or not, this is the month our new child will be born. It occurred to me what an appropriate month it is to welcome a rainbow sibling. January, named for the Roman god Janus the god of new beginnings. Janus is usually depicted with two faces - one of which looks backwards. Few New Year celebrants will remember that Janus is the god of endings too. Few of the non-babylost around us will recognise that a new pregnancy is not simply 'looking forward'. There is so much looking back. This is the bump art I painted on Emma's bump when I was about 36 weeks pregnant. It's been doctored to increase the intensity of the colours. That's me looking back. The second image is the same photograph with the colour  leached out and fed through two digital effects - spiral & wrinkle. That's me, musing on my current relationship with my pregnant body, in the light of my child's death.

about the artist.
Jill's third child (her second daughter), Emma, died during labour at 40 weeks on 14th October 2008. Jill is awaiting the arrival of our fourth child within the next few weeks. She blogs about my beautiful girl and my journey without her at Only a Whisper.

Untitled, slh

Untitled.
slh.
Acrylic, Mixed Media.

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about the piece.
slh completed this painting and mixed medium piece after her second miscarriage.

about the artist.
After the stillbirth of her niece, and dealing with her own infertility and subsequent recurrent miscarriages, slh began using various mediums to work through her grief. In slh's own words:
“Painting, drawing, and writing have all helped me so much. Not only by creating myself, but by viewing another person's piece and being able to connect.”

To read more about slh, aka Another Dreamer, and her journey, visit her blog at An Unwanted Path.