Dichotomy, Jonathan

Dichotomy
by Jonathan 

Dichotomy of what I am, and what I what I want to be.
Dichotomy of what is, and what was meant for thee.

Happiness of knowing you were my three,
It was all I could do to wait and see.

The worry for your health as you grew
And your Mother did all that she could humanly do.

Your growth, your development was an eternity;
But each day during that time felt like the first day.

I worried for you four,
Not knowing what God had in store.

I was so confused as to my place,
But, I knew when I saw your Mother's face.

I needed to be who I am, it was that simple,
Yet, it was not….

We were resolute,
We would fight for each of you.

Your sister's heart was what grabbed our attention,
But, it brought up the question.

That so many did not fully appreciate
What would that do to each separate?

That if it worked for sister to resolve
How would that effect each, and all?

From the moments your sisters tasted air
I knew holding you, my heart would have this permanent tear.

It is that way each time I see their face
Time has failed to erase

My longing to hold you, and call you MY son.
And, this journey is far from done….

:::

about the poem.
In Jonathan's words, "I penned this poem the morning of the second anniversary of his passing. I find comfort and I find pain in the still mornings, when it is dark, and I wait for the light."

about the poet.
Jonathan's son Austin acted as the big brother to his two sisters, though they were, and will forever be, triplets. Jonathan describes his children: "Austin protected his sisters in utero by acting as the gatekeeper in their Mother's womb. The pregnancy was wrought with health concerns for the four lives: my wife; my daughters Aubrey and Zella; and Austin. The doctors had laid at my wife's and my feet a choice of what path to take in order to protect all four lives. Austin will forever be our brave brother and son. Succinctly, his sacrificial passing paved the way for their healthy birth at 26 weeks, though their struggle did not immediately end. They fought hard for three and a half months in the NICU.

"Austin passed on January 19, 2008, and the girls were born on January 31, 2008. He will forever be in our hearts, and he will forever be with them, watching and being the big brother he has always been."

Jonathan blogs at Still Mornings.