Saturday, November 13, 2010

Shadow, Ceil



about the piece.

This is a self-portrait that I took a couple of weeks before Kai's birth/death on his due date. We were staying at a friend's ranch in the hill country and I was busy listening to my hypnobabies affirmations to reassure me. Everyone was driving me crazy with comments about how big I was (unexplained excess fluid and a 10 pound baby) and I was still very much in love with my life-filled body. When I look at this photo I see the shadow that holds me carried over into my expression- a shadow of doubt that I was able to positively affirm away for the most part. -Ceil

about the artist.
Ceil is among other things, a writer who seldom writes and now a mother who doesn't get to mother. She is riding the waves after the loss of her son Kai on his due date, in mid June.

Ceil submitted this piece for Photo Sunday. This month, contributors were asked to explore shadows through photography.  Join still life 365 tomorrow as photographers explore the shadows of grief through photography for Photo Sunday.


  1. Powerful.... beautiful... heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing this intimate photo with us.

  2. This is a stunning photo. Thank you Ceil.

  3. You are beautiful and Kai is beautiful.

  4. Thank you for sharing this with us. As afteriris said, this is stunning.

  5. What a beautiful photo - thank you for sharing!

  6. Thank you Ceil for your beautiful photo - our baby died in 1987, and just this morning in my meditation, it came to me that his Daddy, also of recent blessed memory, is holding and rocking my boy for me, until we meet again. It was a very comforting revelation - I wish you comfort too as you ride the wave.

  7. You were beautiful at that moment and throughout the entire pregnancy. Even more astounding is your amazing resilience. I strive to someday be the person you easily inhabit every day. I'll never know Kai, but I think his spirit understands the truly wonderful persons you and Bob are. (Do you remember what Collie was talking about at the shower?)

  8. I love this photo. So peaceful and full. So much love here. My 2nd was 10lbs 9 1/2 oz...I was that round, too...and LOVED it. I wish you still had Kai

  9. Lost for words looking at this. I am so sorry.

  10. ceil, i loved this. thank you for letting us into this moment.


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