selfish lovely, Elizabeth Davis

selfish lovely

by Elizabeth Davis

good afternoon,
north carolina.

go outside.
it's sunny, warm.
a baby blue sky.
it's january. winter.
but it feels like april. spring.
if you had the day off
and could choose a few people
to sit outside
and do absolutely nothing with,
who would they be?

imagine them now in your mind.
what are they doing right now?
are they enjoying the outside,
or are they stuck inside working,
or is it just not quite as lovely a day
where they are?

if you were spending
this lovely day together,
how much nicer for all of you,
instead of what you're already doing today.

i can think of no other person,
than just a little tiny one,
who i'd give anything to spend this day with.
outside.
where it's lovely.
just the two of us.

but

where she is,
all days are lovely.
all days are uncloudy.
all days are warm.
all days are sunny.
all days are peaceful.

therefore

my desire for her
to be here with me
is completely selfish.
for my own benefit.
no benefit to her.

but

i simply can't
enjoy this lovely day
without her.

is she enjoying
her lovely days
without me?

now maybe you,
while you imagine your loved ones,
can understand
why i prefer
cloudy, dark,
cold, rainy,
thunderous
days.

where i am not obligated
to enjoy the loveliness
without her.

:::

about the piece.

This poem was originally published on Elizabeth Davis' blog Safe in this House.

about the poet.

By night, Elizabeth Davis is a pediatric registered nurse. By day, she is relearning how to breathe after the death of her daughter Kathlyn. Elizabeth maintains the blogs Safe in This House and Letters to my Daughter.