by Julie Cozens
Anxiety, stress, gifts bought with love, fail
Elastic money, bills and school fees, stretch
Emotional mess, panic attack soon
Yuletide gift shoppers, buy, buy and buy, stuff
House always messy, symptom of worry, fear.
A friend to talk to, on equal terms, seek.
Coffee currency, share, be succinct, chat.
Guilt motivates me, get to the gym, walk.
Wedded bliss what's that? Expectations, trust?
Blowout is coming, sense or invite? fight.
Normal crazy life, normal these days, nuts.
Trying to control life means serious stress.
Why do I bother, I need balance now.
I wrote this poem to clarify thoughts.
Now I am feeling sadder and guilt.
Try to remember the other side, flip.
Start with a budget, add up the bills, debt.
Shops are a jungle, plan the gift hunt, smart.
Execute the task, stay focussed now, go.
Retail therapy? Stay local start small.
Cut down my worries, cut down on mess, breathe.
A whisper a friend, His name I pray, Lord
A listener forever, He's seen it all, life.
Walking will calm me, so much better, fit
Happy "Forever", up's and there's downs, ride.
Take sides or take peace, choose not to fight, calm.
Challenge the normal that makes life nuts, choice.
Live life, be in life, out of the box, free.
Balance is pretend, who's in control, you.
First thing to leave me, theme of despair, gone.
Worries defined me, now a new day, rise.
Stronger and able, change my world right now.
about this piece.
This poem is not about grief. I wrote it because I am trying to do something therapeutic with the anxiety I feel about my life. I know that I am different since Thomas died. I don't really know which parts of me are the new me and which parts are my personality trying to override the new me. I decided to write down my worries so I can see them on "paper" and explore the idea of looking at them differently. One day I will work out how all the pieces fit, until then I am trying to relax. The end line "change my world right now" is about changing my mind about allowing anxiety and control to rule. Maybe it is about grief after all. --Julie
about the contributor.
Julie Cozen's son Thomas was born in October 2007. In Julie's words, "I was 42 years old, I was already the Mum of three children, aged 11, 21 and 23. He was born with many health challenges and needed surgery to save his life. He was just not well enough to survive the surgery. Thomas died aged 135 days old in February 2008. I am trying to live around my broken heart."
To kick off the year, I thought Julie's beautiful poem was absolutely perfect. For 2011, still life 365 will publish works Monday through Thursday, as work is submitted. You can email work to stilllife365days(at)gmail(dot)com. Submission guidelines are listed under the tab "how to submit". Thank you all for continuing this project into 2011 and beyond.