The Scarlet Letter, Rachel Simon

The Scarlet Letter
by Rachel Simon

Day number 268
And still no change in the way I feel
Sorrow, numbness, anger, jealousy
Your loss is still so surreal

I feel like I’m going in circles
No end to a tragic start
Living in a shell of myself
Sustained by a broken heart

I may look normal on the outside
But this is just a mask
Inside I’m struggling for my life
Burdened so by this eternal task

And day after day it pains me
That people will not speak your name
Like they could hurt me any more
Their bliss-less ignorance, such a shame

I alone must live with your loss
For the rest of my life, however long
A scarlet letter burned into my chest
However hard, however wrong

But I tell myself over and over
Time will fade my deep scars
That I won’t recognize this profound pain
Described so adeptly in my memoir

Wishful thinking, I think this is
As I’ll always have this reminder
With this scarlet ‘L’ burned into my chest
The truth will never be the kinder

:::

about the poet.
Rachel Simon lost her daughter Shiloh to an umbilical cord accident in October 2008. She created a website in memory of Shiloh: In Memory of our Daughter, and maintains a blog called Our Healing Journey.